Smells Like Dog Breath

Load Up On leashes, Bring Your Cats
It's fun to pat, but not to defend
Its ebil horde, has many-a-injured -
Oh No, I got, an ugly bite...

(Chorus)
Hello, Hello, Hello, bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello, bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello, bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello-

With The Lights Out, It's MORE DANGEROUS!
'coz then I dont know, where it LURKEST!
I Feel Stupid, And CONTAGIOUS -
Since it bit me, VACCINATE US!

A LABRA-DOR !
A BOXER !
makes no difference-
ITS A KOOTTA !
Yeah!

It's Worst At What - It Does Best (CHOMP!!!)
And For This Gift It Feels blessed,
Teh vicious ebil, has Always Been
And always will, Until The End...

Hello, Hello, Hello, Bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello, Bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello, Bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello-

Past recovery, MENTAL STATE IS !
Here's our life now, RETAIN IT !!
Wanna kill it ! Don't debate it!
But goddamn, SOCIAL STATUS !    ~__~

A PEKINGESE !
A CATALA !
There's no difference-
TIS A KOOTTA!
Yeah!

(Solo)

And I Forget, Just Why It drools -
So Yeah, I Guess It Makes me cringe -
It bit me Hard ; It's hard to bite-
-it back, Whatever, NeEeveermind...


Hello, Hello, Hello, Bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello, Bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello, Bow wow?
Hello, Hello, Hello-

With the lights on, It's still dangerous~
TAKE IT OUT NOW, STRAIGHT CHAIN IT !!
It's so stoopid, but dangerous!
Fast increasing, DEATH RATE IS!!

A FOUSEK !
A RETRIEVAH~ !
There's no difference-
TIS A KOOTTA~!

A GREYHOUND!!!
A SPANIEL!!!
A ESKIMO!!!
A SHEPHERD!!!
A POINTER!!!
A PINSCHER!!!

A KOOTTA  !!!
A KOOTTA  !!!!!!!!
A KOOOOTTTAAaAaAaAaaaAAAAaa.........


--------------------------------------------------------------

A/N : Parody of Smells Like Teen Spirit by Nirvana

Dread And The Fugitive Dog

Let me introDUCE my dog !
It's name is ZE KOOTTA
It comes for your throat!
Leaves you in a pool of BLOOD!
No time for feeling sorry,
IT MAKES ITS OWN BONES!
Won't ask for anything from you -
IT CHOOSES TO HUNT ALONE!

Oh what's yours is mine
What's mine is mine too,
If you pat its head better count your fingers

What if I do get caught?
For sicing this dog on you?
If I'm right I lose nothing
If you're wrong you lose your life.
Well I oughta get caught
Cause I'm doing something wicked
I'm sicing this violent ebil on you -
And the only consequences
ARE DREAD AND TEH FUGITIVE DOG.

You built walls to protect you
so no ebil will bite you.
Pursued by those out there,
that chew out your air!
Come a long way to find
what you really left behind -
Yes you know it was teh DOG REPELLENT
And Death's coming fast!

What's yours is mine
and what's mine is mine too
If you pat its head better count your fingers

What if I do get caught?
What if there is no judgment?
If I'm right I lose nothing
If you're right, then teh dog makes it right for me
Well I oughta get caught
because I'm doing something wicked
I siced that dog on you,
and the only consequences
Are dread and the fugitive dog

<Guitar solo with drum buildup>

<guitar solo interspersed with dog barks>

<Final, ending guitar solo interspersed with Frank Miller's screams of agony>

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N : Parody of Megadeth's song "Dread And The Fugitive Mind"

The Evil !!

Teh dog is teh ebil (!!)
it bites and it bites,
Eternally man's best friend,
But it smites; we scream "cripes!"
Holds its head up high,
And never once to the ground,
Through the thick and the thin,
It stands by you, pound for pound.

All of which I’d admire, if not for the scar on my shin –
Oh, pray tell,
Over and over and over,

WHY DOES IT NIBBLE ON TEH SKIN!?!?!?
TEH FLESH THAT MINE HAS BEEN!?!?!
IN A MANNER WHICH TO BRUTES IS AKIN!??!?!


Now I really don’t wanna start a fight ;

But seriously,

WHY MUST IT BITE?!?!!??!?!

And who, I ask, is teh fellow
Who says me ain't right??!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A/N : Dedicated to extremis :D

Eternal

Mistress treachery

You cheat yourself again

Always you breathe but

Never you live again -

Existing between the fake

And the lie again

Always I hear you but

Never believe again

There you are

Disgracing love again -

Here I am

Rescuing you again

Dreams we sacrifice

Being friends again

Loving each other

Breaking ourselves again -

Useless and vain and stupid and careless
And always
Always for you.



But here we are

Murder ourselves again

Die for each other

Reminisce life again

Argue soundlessly

Beating no hearts again

Taking you down

Calling you out again

Tired of finding out

Why you’re mad again

Running from you

Trying to heal again

Shameless vanity

You hate yourself again -

And over and over and over and over

Always, always you ..........

Only Human

“No! Leave us alone, creeps!”

Her screams for help fell on deaf ears. Well, it did fall on ears, but she’d rather have them not fall at all. Even this late at night, even at this desolate corner of the street, there were five passers-by that night, in all. All of them had looked up. Two had looked, had been horrified, had hurriedly walked away. Another two had scurried away as fast as their legs could carry them, without daring to look. One had appeared slightly amused and interested, but the men shoving her around now had scared him off.

She looked at her companion in despair. He was slumped in the darkness ; face down on the ground, a pool of blood forming under him. The man responsible for that was still grinning with his lustful stare at her. He was softly pounding the lead pipe against his palm, the one still stained with his blood.

“Let me go! What’ve you done to him?” She shrieked. The arms bonding her tightened.

“Relax, sugar.” The leader walked over slowly, coming face to face with her. Clutching her face in his rough hands, he hissed. “He’s just down for the count. And he’s gonna stay safe as long as you…..lend a hand, hun.”

The men guffawed raucously, and she spat in the man’s face.

“Bastard! Never!” She screamed in his face. What happened next, was a blur to her. She caught a glimpse of his pockmarked face contorted in rage. An intense, sharp throbbing, and she was spitting blood on the concrete, face swollen, seeing stars.

“Hey boss, I think dis one needs a lil’ workin’.” One of the henchmen said.

“No shit. The bitch’s prepped to go.” The other grinned.

“Take her down. “ The boss coolly spoke, wiping his eye.

Her screams were ignored, she was thrown down on the cold, wet concrete. Empty bottles clattered away, cats in the alley scurried away squealing, their home disturbed.

“Me first. “ the Boss stated.

The henchmen held her down while the boss lowered himself over her. The cold, hard ground, the rapturous comments by the villains, her own screams and whimpers, added up to her horror. Right then, she was more scared, hopeless, despaired than she’d ever been. Her life, as she knew it, was going to end, right then and there. And Ben….Ben had not got up after the beat down.

And right then, even with her own life at stake, she thought of him. Of Ben.

Is he still alive?

If yes, thank you, God.

Ben…

I love you.

And she closed her eyes, prepared herself for the inevitable.

A soft, wet sound broke her reverie.

Something warm splattered all over.

Their grip on her eased.

She opened her eyes.

 One of the men holding her down, was now pinned against the dumpster, eyes popping out, face one of shock and horror. What was pinning him up against the dumpster had pierced clean through his torso. Blood was a fountain, spilling out all the sin inside.

The other two men, wide eyed, followed the long, thin, spiked tendril that retreated away from its victim, dropping the mutilated corpse with a thud on the ground. The tendril was black, slender, and unmistakably organic.

A monster stood in the alley.

It was reptilic, black and slimy. It’s arms were the long, spiked tendrils. It’s wide mouth lined with razor sharp teeth clacked, dripping caustic saliva on the ground. Its eerily human eyes scanned the alley and came to rest on the two men, but not without sparing a glance at her, down on the ground, watching it all, transfixed in horror.

Instantly, she recognized those eyes.

Ben.

Screaming, one of the men fired wildly. He hit with most of them. The bullets bounced off. The monster shot its tendril-arms forward, ripping off both the man’s arms. Flailing his stumps in disbelief, the man’s screams were mercifully cut short. The monster leapt forward, covering a distance of ten feet, and landed, biting the man’s head clean off. Spraying blood like water, the corpse slumped down to the ground.

The boss, frozen in horror seconds earlier, now stumbled back, and ran as fast as he could, out of the alley. He made quite some distance, too. But he must have known it was pointless.

The beast launched its black horror forward, wrapped its slimy tethers around the man, and dragged him screaming through the air back into the alley. It seized him, went face to face with him.

And ripped him in half.

When the screams died down, he turned around to face her.

“Ra..c.h..el…” It’s voice was a tar pit bubbling up.

“Rachel…” It reverted to its original voice.

She could only look at him, stupefied.

“Rachel.?” It withdrew the tendrils, shed the black slime, twisted its visage into its original form.

“Rachel? “ He stepped forward, reached for her.

She jumped and crawled backward, appalled, sickened, disgusted, horrified.

He was visibly hurt. “Are you..”

She jumped back again, pinned herself against the brick wall. Tears ran down her ashen white face. She moaned softly.

“What’s wro-“ He stopped. Checked himself.

“I’m sorry.” He said, saddened. “But I couldn’t just stay there, couldn’t stay down while those thugs….I…” He almost broke down. “I just wanted to protect you, save you. “

Slowly, agonizingly slow, she shook her head. Her fear-stained eyes never left his. She was shaking.

 “Get…..away….” She shrieked out. “GET AWAY FROM ME! MONSTER! GET THE HELL AWAY!! STAY BACK! Let me go!! “ And she was out of control, crying, screaming, shuddering.

“Rachel..” He reached out.

“NO!! KEEP THEM AWAY! KEEP AWAY! KEEP AWAY!! “ Hysterical, she turned and ran. Catlike, she jumped away from the wall, and was out of the alley, on the road. She looked back, one final time, but only to check whether he was creeping up behind her.

He was still standing where she had left him. In the alley.

“I love you. “ He whispered out. Just enough for her to hear. Just enough for the words to penetrate.

He prayed to heavens they would.

“LOVE…..ME??? LEAVE ME ALONE! PLEASE!! “ She was sobbing now. “PLEASE…..! For the love of god, PLEASE! Leave me be! You’re….you’re…” She was sobbing uncontrollably now.

“A monster. “ He completed her.

“…..I..…I’m….”

“Human.” He concluded.

She could say no more, sobbing hysterically, eyes wide with fear, she stumbled back a few steps, then finally broke their gaze, turned, and ran.

He just stood there for ages, in tears, in that dark, cold, lonely alley. Until the raindrops hit him.

She was no more in sight.

He looked up, to the sky. “Only human.” He said, and smiled a little.

Turning his head down, he walked away.

Conversations - III

“I’m fine!”
“Fine? As in, ‘fine’ fine, or Seattle Grace ‘fine’ ? “

Despite being frustrated, annoyed, irritated (not to mention late for the meeting) and miserable in general, she turned around, confused.

“What?”
“What? You said you were fine. So I asked, ‘fine’ fine, or Seattle Gr- “
“I heard you the first time, I just wanted to know what the devil that means.”
“Which one? The ’Fine’ fine? Or the Seattle Grace ‘fine’? “

Drawing a deep breath, she spoke slowly and clearly.

“Mark, look. Cut me some slack, okay? My landlady’s hounding me, I just got pulled over for speeding, I’m late, the report’s late, the boss is gonna chew me out, I mean…. I feel like I’m in a goddamn Argento movie, about to be jumped on any minute.”
“Splendid. Tenebrae or Deep Red? “
“Mark! “
“Alright , alright! Chill. So, Seattle Grace ‘fine’ – ‘twas a Grey’s Anatomy reference. “

“You mean to tell me, “ she was in silent killer mode again – “ that I just wasted three minutes of my precious time, just because of your pathetic pop culture references? “

“It’s SO not pathetic!” he scoffed. “It wipes the floor with ER. And that’s saying something! “
“Whatever. I’m off. Boss waiting.“ and she stormed down the corridor to the meeting room.

“Yeah. Good luck with Faustus. “ he grinned and called out behind her.

”You too, good luck with Robin’s “ she called back.

Jaw dropping, he just stood there, wondering how she came up with that. As she reached the door, she turned around and gave him a ‘gotcha!’ smile.

Touché.



A/N : You'll miss the prime joke unless you're REALLY familiar with Dario Argento's ''Tenebrae''.

The Monster

I used to be in love with the world.

The homebrewn grenade rests firmly in his hands. He uses his raincoat to shield It against the downpour.

I used to think we were all perfect. God made no mistakes.

He steps forward. Rain ricochets off him ; darkness is all around, the eternally lonely lights a haze in the downpour.

Most of his face is obscured by the rising turtleneck of the coat. It almost reaches just below his nostrils.

His face must be twisting with rage. Yet nothing is seen ; the overcoat, his visor, hides his emotions.

He throws the grenade in a long arc, his body arches up, and although the explosion is satisfying, the ocean of flames is temporary, it’s quickly washed away by the rains. His operation is effective. There are no survivors.

There are screams, there are shouts. People flee, panicking. He walks away, now invisible in shadows
.
Life’s a monster. He realized that when he was fourteen years old. It was the night his parents were beaten to death in front of him by Mr.Calgieri’s men.

But it wasn’t then that he knew.

He’d run. They’d caught up. Choking on his own blood, they left him lying there, left for dead.

It still wasn’t then that he realized.

He’d crawled and clawed his way through the street, sobbing, drenched in tears, dragging himself through hell. Fifty steps. He could never forget. He’d ran this street distance with her so many times. He’d had just enough strength to reach their door. The Porters’. Them and his family were good friends. He’d knocked. The man had come out, lantern in hand.

James Porter had looked at him. He’d stared back. Dark blue eyes through the crimson mask. Pleading for help.

Somewhere, he heard a voice. Somehow, he heard her through the waves of pain shooting up his body everytime he breathed.  

Cheryl.

“Who is it, Daddy?”

Mr.Porter looked at the bloody heap on his steps.

“Nothing, dear. Stay inside. Just some homeless guy.”

He could hear her coming down the creaky stairs.

“What is it? Is he sick? Does he want help?” She was concerned. As always.

-“No dear. I think you’d better go up. I’ll deal with this.”
-“What? What’s the matter?”
-“Its nothing, Cheryl. I’ll handle this. Go help mom with dinner.” The authoritarian in him leaked through his voice. She backs away, goes inside.

He looks at him.

He speaks, in a cold and cruel voice. He doesn’t mean it like that, but to him, it sounds exactly like it.

“Get away from here. Get the hell away from my family. “ He spits out.

“Go away, crawl up somewhere, and hope someone else helps you. “

He just stares at Porter.

“…if they do, well, great. If they don’t, tough luck, kiddo.”

“I know what happened to your mum and dad. Mr. Calgieri’s the wrong man to cross. Your dad had it coming. The bastard. “ He continued.

“Generosity’s not on my list tonight. Cant help, kid. I got my own family to take care of. And unlike your old man, I’m on the Italian’s good side. Don’t wanna mess my rep by taking you in now, do I?” He manages the tiniest of smiles.

“Life’s a monster, kiddo. Deal with it.” He goes to close the door, pauses just a second. “Just get lost. Don’t go bleeding on my doorstep. “ He throws the words in his face and slams the door shut. He can even hear it being bolted.

He stays very still for a long time. When the rain finally pours down, unrelenting, uncaring, he curls up into a sitting position by the door. On the grass. He’s not crying and sobbing any more.

Life’s a monster kiddo, deal with it.

It was then that he finally knew.

And he sought vengeance against it.

He spent the next week sniffing out Calgieri’s place, his address. The next week he fell in with a gang of street hooligans. He fought for his place, learnt what he needed to. Gangs just looking to stir up trouble.

But he had other plans.

A year had passed since that night.

He was here. Now. Standing in the pouring rain. The lights in a haze in the rains, casting splotches of yellow light on the street.
 
The homebrewn grenade rests firmly in his hands. He uses his raincoat to shield it against the downpour.

He’s standing outside the Porter residence. He can see their silhouettes through the window, highlighted by the light within. Peals of laughter, wisps of talking, clinks of the cutlery. Fork against plate.

He closes his eyes, takes in her heavenly voice once more.

Things from another world, another time. Distant beyond remembrance.

He lobs the grenade through the window.

His aim is impeccable, it crashes through the glass pane, lands in the room.

He turns around and begins walking off.

The building explodes behind him.

There’s screaming, there’s shouting in the streets. People flee, panicking. He walks away slowly, deliberately. He stops at the bend. At a postbox there.

Reaches inside his coat and withdraws something he’s been protecting with his life so far. A letter. Thanking someone. He drops it in.

Its for Mr. Calgieri.

He disappears into the shadows.

I used to be in love with the world.
…Used to be.